Shannon’s Story

“I can only share with you what I’ve seen.  I can’t make you believe.”

- St. Bernadette Soubirous  (Patron Saint of Lourdes, France)

 

I have not witnessed dozens of visions of the Blessed Mother as St. Bernadette in the mid-1800′s, but I have lived 26 of my 38 years witnessing and experiencing what is referred to as Spiritual Warfare, teetering on both sides of the spectrum, getting so close to evil I could smell the stench only to be snatched back into the strong embrace of Christ.  It took years to allow the slightest whisper of my early experience to escape my lips and only then did I have to share because I was in the throes of another battle and needed help.  I’m crazy my voice convinced my human intelligence and prevented me for years from waking up to God’s truth. Instead, I endured countless inexcusable trials, walking further and further away from the embrace of Christ because I felt too unworthy to look back.  And worse, I didn’t want to be like them, those that were self-righteous…holier than thou. I liked me.

All around me family members, best friends, young and old are experiencing this same tug of war, holding tight to what they want to do, afraid to loosen the grip for fear they’ll fall into a life of complete boredom and self-righteousness.  We question and doubt God’s love.

Many of us are told of God’s love, we sing it in our churches but rarely do we BELIEVE it to the extent that we can follow His command to let go of all worries and allow Him to take control. As a teenager and on into college I dared to doubt.  Is there a God?  Why would God allow bad things to happen?  With all I’ve done why would He forgive me, let alone love me? Or worse, I live a good life, that’s all I need.

 

We masquerade in mass and churches, on bended knee, praying as we’ve been taught but not really getting it…because we walk out those same doors equipped with the word of God for the day, only it hasn’t sunk deep down into the marrow of our bones, releasing the Holy Spirit and guiding us to live as Christ instructed.

What did it take for me to get over myself?

Death of my first love in high school, rape when I was seventeen and then yet again my freshman year in college, self-abuse (physical and substance), depression, utter despair, and an imminent threat of a chronic physical ailment – rheumatoid arthritis, and ultimately realizing I had no ‘real’ control over my own flesh and blood as I tried to deal with my first born who was finally diagnosed with ADHD and Impulsivity Disorder.

At the age of 27, after6 years of marriage to Neal and two beautiful boys, Ryan and Seth, I finally let it all go.  I couldn’t live anymore.  Face down on my bedroom floor I had my moment in life where I knew it was time to die.  Die to self.

All of my fears were no more because I’d already lived through hell.

For the first time since I was a young girl I felt peaceful.  Nothing CHANGED in my life at that very moment but my PERSPECTIVE changed because I no longer had the weight of the outcome resting on my spirit.

Eleven years later God has literally, physically, put me on the path he originally had planned for me when he created me in my mother’s womb.  Not long after the moment of surrender on my bedroom floor I felt a strange tug to teach the teens at the church and to simultaneously figure out what there was to our Catholic faith BEYOND the tradition.

In two years time we found answers for my son, my marriage survived a near divorce, and I was led into full time youth ministry.  Four years into the ministry and my passion to get teens to GET IT bloomed and the Holy Spirit did amazing work at the church and in my life.  In fact, the youth group was voted in the top five of EWTN’S Catholic Youth Groups in the United States in 2007.  In 2008 I was invited to speak on God’s Love at the World Youth Day Festivities in Sydney, Australia and have since spoken at the 2011 WYD Festial in Madrid, Spain.

Working with teens is a passion but my family is my life and as my boys get older I had to step back from youth ministry but God continued to open doors in parish ministry.  I became the part time Coordinator of our Young Adult/Professional group (the 20/30 somethings) and the Coordinator of Catholics Returning Home.  As of June ’11 I felt called to step away from parish ministry in order to be more present to my children (one of which is now a teenager…..oh, my very own teenager!!! ), to have more flexibility for speaking engagements and to work on a few more writing projects to promote healing to young adults and bridge the gap for parents and teens plus get begin the follow up memoir to EXPOSED.  The new book will be a continuation of my faith journey specifically in dealing with marriage – the truth of the bumps, dips and turns of marriage as well as how the enemy continues with his sneaky ways.  However, I am not completely gone from parish ministry as I have brought the Maria Goretti Network ( a self-help support group for survivors of abuse) to St. Martha’s and I am actively working with MGN to get more parishes within our Archdiocese to implement the Social Justice program and eventually see it spread across every Diocese in the USA.

No small feat…trust me, I’m not sitting at home ‘chillin’.

I’ve spread the message God has blessed me with through the trials I’d undergone in my life to thousands of teens and I can honestly say I believe in the upcoming generation as the saving grace of our Catholic faith.  They get it!  They spend hours in front of Christ in the Eucharist and in adoration turning to our Lord for guidance and direction in their life!

My goal is to see my generation get it!  I want to see the 20-somethings, 30-somethings and 40-somethings seek out Christ in a way that they can give up the trials and errors of the day and turn it over to Him.  We are inundated with worries upon worries, bills to pay, families to raise, marriages to save, parents to take care of, children to figure out, illnesses to beat, images to keep up with, co-workers to counsel, bosses to please and clients to tolerate.  We all have our own cross but God never intended for us to carry it alone.  And many times the cross was never meant to be so bulky and heavy but because we insist on carrying it ourselves we lose the support of our greatest strength.

I am in LOVE with God!  I am in LOVE with my Catholic faith!  And I want you to be excited about your faith too.

Blessings

Shannon